So far, so good

Hello!

            To clarify the “subject” title... Things are not all sunshine and roses, it’s more like there have not been any major surprises or setbacks as we all adjust to each other.  This is a process with many ups and downs along the way.

     We’ve been home for 22 days and we’re all still alive and I think that’s doing very well!  Go us !  There are certain aspects to little girls that I forgot about, it’s been a while since I was one.  Generally, they’re a bit more dramatic, more whiney... but not by much, mothery (I can make up words if I want to, it’s my blog :) ), bossy, and way more sensitive.  A few wise-cracking friends have aptly observed that she’s just like me, adopted or not.  I heard once... “The things that drive us nuts about our kids is what will make them good adults”...except for the whiney-ness, nobody likes that. 

**I need to preface this update with the fact that we absolutely adore her; she’s hilarious, spunky, helpful, and is overall a joyful addition to our clan.

    I’m starting to get used to the mega-clinginess and by that I mean I’m working around it.  When she’s in my face I just kiss her nose and slide her to my side.  I’m all for cuddling and being lovey but I don’t think literally holding my face nose to nose (breathing my air) is necessary for bonding.  It’s a bit excessive and we are, after all, also teaching her social skills too and I don’t know anyone that would enjoy that.  The most present thing we deal with everyday is Milanija trying to be a co-parent.  Bossing the boys around was cute for about 5 minutes, until after thinking back, we realized a few things that were simply out of her control... 

1. Milanija was the oldest child in that orphanage and she’d been there the longest.  2. She was the most cognitively developed child in her room, quite intelligent even.  3. She knew all the routines, rules, where everyone was supposed to be, and where everything went. (she could probably train a new employee)  4.  We ourselves observed what role the caregivers were encouraging.  Previously I think I also mentioned that it seemed that she’d never been said “No” to or been reprimanded.  Well, all of these things considered, we figured out that she was basically treated like a co-caregiver; an equal to the adults, only with no pay check. (I could wring their necks)  She could and would carry on conversations with the adults, keep an eye on the other [mentally impaired] children, bring attention to naughtiness, even tell visitors where to go when they looked lost.  ...Now that we’re home she’s trying to maintain her role; the only role, the only identity she’s ever known really.  Even though this transition is difficult for us we are tender to this fact.

    That said, there’s a difference between repeating what I say because she’s learning English and also telling a person the same direction I just gave.  An obvious difference, and it goes on all day, everyday. (Or giving me directions by pointing out what she thinks I should be doing.)  This is what wears on me.  I’ll say it... it’s annoying.  (Sorry sweet girl, but it’s true.)  This is what I need prayer for: For her to learn and welcome her new role as a 6 year old little girl and not a co-anything other than sibling and for me to have consistent reactions from morning until bedtime and not escalate because I'm correcting a learned behavior - not disciplining willfulness.  I say kindly yet firm each time, “Ne, Ne. I am Mamyta, I give directions.  You are Sissy and do not give directions.  You are not Mamyta and may not talk to your brothers (or me) like that.”  Sometimes I slip Lithuanian in there to make sure she knows what I’m saying; her reaction when I say this tells me she gets it.  She gets a cat-in-the-cream smile on her face and covers her mouth, as if to say “Oopsie!”  And, sometimes even says oopsie!

    The overall attachment as a family is definitely different [but not less] than it was with JP, particularly with the boys.  John-Patrik’s limitations, personality, and the fact that he’s a boy has everything to do with it I think.  My sweet boys don’t really know what to do with their little spit-fire of a Sissy.  Girls are uncharted territory around my house.  She’s loud, bossy, demanding, and very much girly.  (also loving, helpful and what I prefaced this with too)  They’re learning with some prompting and guidance how to set boundaries for personal space and personal property.  It’s different than they thought it would be but they're committed to adjusting. They also understand from experience with JP that things will settle down in a few months as we get used to each other and she relaxes.  JP, on the other hand, expresses himself with less restraint and courtesy... when he’s sick of her “helping” and/or teasing him, he pulls her hair down and holds her head under his criss-cross applesauce legs.  If it wasn’t hurting her it would be hilarious.  His general agitation is tapering off slowly though, so that’s good.  We knew he would react, we just didn’t know how.  For the record, he also tries to hug and be tender with her too.  

  I should also add that she is making huge progress with her English.  I can't believe how much she's learning, retaining, and using already!  I can't wait to start seeing just how brilliant Milanija is once the language factor isn't such a factor.  Watching her bloom intellectually, socially, as well as academically will be a joy!

Thank you for your prayers, we welcome them always!!