Life...

      First, I have to say that I didn’t mean for the last update to sound so negative.  Milanija and I are just very similar and I’m still trying to discern the best way to correct and parent her while also nurturing the person God created her to be.  Not so simple.  There are a few overlapping lines there that need to be navigated tenderly and mindfully.

      Having John-Patrik and Milanija together is as close to having twins as I could imagine.  They are actually 6 months apart and entirely different in cognitive development, but otherwise very twin-ish.  One way presented itself last Tuesday:  They both needed medical attention in different ways, but urgently.  By all evidence it appeared that Milanija was getting a kidney infection and by her complaints we went from, “Here’s some Advil” because she said her back hurt (pointing to her SB repair scar; inflammation during weather change is common)... to taking her to the ER all within 3 hours.  After 5 hours of blood and urine testing, an x-ray, and an ultrasound we learned that she is very constipated, even though she eats lots of fruit, I push the liquids, as well as a high quality probiotic everyday.  It's better than a kidney infection though! 

      While that was happening JP woke up with a slightly swollen face on the right side, goop coming out of his eye, and bloody-ish thick snot on his sheets and plastered to his face.  Sinus infection, we know them well.  Thankfully we still had the ‘just in case’ antibiotic Rx we had for the trip so I was able to get him on them immediately.  He was in rough shape until just yesterday, he was  just miserable.  Poor kid.  

      I was so thankful for one of Rich’s co-workers that covered for him yesterday to allow him to come home early while I was in the ER with Milanija so that JP was being loved on too. Thankfully, they're both in much better shape now.  I’m also thankful for our older boys who are so helpful and compassionate with these two medically high-maintenance kiddos.  Our family works well as a team and we have God to thank for that.  He fashioned our family for each other, as well as His bigger-picture plan of course; all orchestrated together perfectly... we don’t always function perfectly, but the design and purpose is perfect.

    In other news... Jadin and Emmett start driver’s ed. on May 2nd!  They’re so excited.  Jadin also has his first job!  It’s at the hospital, where Rich works, but in Food Services. He’ll be preparing / assembling meals for patients. Teigan started learning to play the guitar, which is great for him!  He’s really wanted to learn since seeing how well Jadin is playing now.  He’s also one of our best helpers with the littles, he along with Dax have saved our bacon on multiple occasions.  I’d never get dinner made if it weren’t for those two!

   We've made some very encouraging progress is a few areas as well.  Initially, Milanija was terrified of the dogs, now she is kissing and laying on Pudge, but Phoebe still makes her nervous because she's the hyper one.  She's also now venturing into the rest of the house with confidence.  Her favorite spot to hang out lately is on the back porch.  She'll even go into the yard on her own [briefly] to check out the goats, chickens, and ducks.  She also enjoys swinging and going down the slide.  She is, however, thoroughly disgusted that the dogs poop on the grass.  Her reaction is hilarious!

So far, so good

Hello!

            To clarify the “subject” title... Things are not all sunshine and roses, it’s more like there have not been any major surprises or setbacks as we all adjust to each other.  This is a process with many ups and downs along the way.

     We’ve been home for 22 days and we’re all still alive and I think that’s doing very well!  Go us !  There are certain aspects to little girls that I forgot about, it’s been a while since I was one.  Generally, they’re a bit more dramatic, more whiney... but not by much, mothery (I can make up words if I want to, it’s my blog :) ), bossy, and way more sensitive.  A few wise-cracking friends have aptly observed that she’s just like me, adopted or not.  I heard once... “The things that drive us nuts about our kids is what will make them good adults”...except for the whiney-ness, nobody likes that. 

**I need to preface this update with the fact that we absolutely adore her; she’s hilarious, spunky, helpful, and is overall a joyful addition to our clan.

    I’m starting to get used to the mega-clinginess and by that I mean I’m working around it.  When she’s in my face I just kiss her nose and slide her to my side.  I’m all for cuddling and being lovey but I don’t think literally holding my face nose to nose (breathing my air) is necessary for bonding.  It’s a bit excessive and we are, after all, also teaching her social skills too and I don’t know anyone that would enjoy that.  The most present thing we deal with everyday is Milanija trying to be a co-parent.  Bossing the boys around was cute for about 5 minutes, until after thinking back, we realized a few things that were simply out of her control... 

1. Milanija was the oldest child in that orphanage and she’d been there the longest.  2. She was the most cognitively developed child in her room, quite intelligent even.  3. She knew all the routines, rules, where everyone was supposed to be, and where everything went. (she could probably train a new employee)  4.  We ourselves observed what role the caregivers were encouraging.  Previously I think I also mentioned that it seemed that she’d never been said “No” to or been reprimanded.  Well, all of these things considered, we figured out that she was basically treated like a co-caregiver; an equal to the adults, only with no pay check. (I could wring their necks)  She could and would carry on conversations with the adults, keep an eye on the other [mentally impaired] children, bring attention to naughtiness, even tell visitors where to go when they looked lost.  ...Now that we’re home she’s trying to maintain her role; the only role, the only identity she’s ever known really.  Even though this transition is difficult for us we are tender to this fact.

    That said, there’s a difference between repeating what I say because she’s learning English and also telling a person the same direction I just gave.  An obvious difference, and it goes on all day, everyday. (Or giving me directions by pointing out what she thinks I should be doing.)  This is what wears on me.  I’ll say it... it’s annoying.  (Sorry sweet girl, but it’s true.)  This is what I need prayer for: For her to learn and welcome her new role as a 6 year old little girl and not a co-anything other than sibling and for me to have consistent reactions from morning until bedtime and not escalate because I'm correcting a learned behavior - not disciplining willfulness.  I say kindly yet firm each time, “Ne, Ne. I am Mamyta, I give directions.  You are Sissy and do not give directions.  You are not Mamyta and may not talk to your brothers (or me) like that.”  Sometimes I slip Lithuanian in there to make sure she knows what I’m saying; her reaction when I say this tells me she gets it.  She gets a cat-in-the-cream smile on her face and covers her mouth, as if to say “Oopsie!”  And, sometimes even says oopsie!

    The overall attachment as a family is definitely different [but not less] than it was with JP, particularly with the boys.  John-Patrik’s limitations, personality, and the fact that he’s a boy has everything to do with it I think.  My sweet boys don’t really know what to do with their little spit-fire of a Sissy.  Girls are uncharted territory around my house.  She’s loud, bossy, demanding, and very much girly.  (also loving, helpful and what I prefaced this with too)  They’re learning with some prompting and guidance how to set boundaries for personal space and personal property.  It’s different than they thought it would be but they're committed to adjusting. They also understand from experience with JP that things will settle down in a few months as we get used to each other and she relaxes.  JP, on the other hand, expresses himself with less restraint and courtesy... when he’s sick of her “helping” and/or teasing him, he pulls her hair down and holds her head under his criss-cross applesauce legs.  If it wasn’t hurting her it would be hilarious.  His general agitation is tapering off slowly though, so that’s good.  We knew he would react, we just didn’t know how.  For the record, he also tries to hug and be tender with her too.  

  I should also add that she is making huge progress with her English.  I can't believe how much she's learning, retaining, and using already!  I can't wait to start seeing just how brilliant Milanija is once the language factor isn't such a factor.  Watching her bloom intellectually, socially, as well as academically will be a joy!

Thank you for your prayers, we welcome them always!!

Home and adjusting!

Hello!

    We’re alive!  Things are going very well so far.  The initial testing Milanija started while we were still in-country has subsided for the most part, for now.  She’s learning her boundaries pretty quickly; the progress is obvious.  Praise God!  She is terrified of the dogs and cat though.  At first it was clear she was fearful, but with the progress we’ve made so far and the overreacting behavior we see now, I’m wondering if she’s milking it a bit.  (I’m nearly sure that she is.)   There is also the beginning of a little competition between JP and Milanija over my lap.  It's mild now but with JP's uninhibited show of whatever it is he's feeling, it could get ugly if we're not careful and are intentional with shared attention. We understand that the “going very well” could change anytime so we’re just being thankful for each day.

 

    She’s very affectionate, always kissing and hugging all of us.  I'm learning what her love languages are quickly and it's not gifts.  (Which is a bummer because gift giving my favorite way to show love... Verbal affirmation and physical touch is her language.  Bedtimes are good; JP goes down at 7:30 and Milanija shortly thereafter.  They both sleep all night but JP wakes up very early and starts making all kinds of noise and this morning I heard Milanija saying. “SHHHHH!”.  I laughed and thought, “Welcome to our world!”  JP and Milanija get along very well most of the time.  JP, unfortunately, has a hair fetish and Miss Milanija May has long beautiful hair.  He pulls her hair any chance he gets.  In his defense though, she tackles him frequently and pretty much tempts him beyond his limited self-control.  The term, “Don’t start what you can’t finish.” gets said often.  She’ll get it eventually.  She’s also acting a little bossy with JP, we correct her as needed and say, “Tik Mamyta and Tevalis”... only mommy and daddy.  Also, with each person she meets (like all of her brothers) boundaries have to be set right away as each allowance is setting a precedence that she promptly capitalizes on.  Example: Handing her your phone to show her a picture or video. She then thinks she can help herself to your phone.  She's learning very quickly.  Again, she’ll get it eventually.  This is a marathon, not a sprint.

 

    The language barrier... It’s going ok.  I’m pretty sure we’re learning more Lithuanian than she is learning English.  But, she is learning, more and more everyday.  We say,  “En Angishtay, Prashom” (spelled phonetically) its “In English, please”.  We have great sign language flashcards that have helped for not only teaching her signs but also for learning the word in Lithuanian so that we can recognize words she’s using.  That was an unexpected blessing!  Now, I don’t know how much she got away with at the Babies Home but she’s saying “Ne”, (no) to me often.  I’m currently putting a stop to that.  She knows “stop” in English and the sign for it, so I’ve been saying “, “Stop ‘Ne’, prashom.”  There’s been good progress there and I’m so glad.  Some of you know me as a parent and know that I just don’t tolerate that from any of my kids and I’m not starting now.  

 

    Jetlag took forever to go away but thankfully I’m feeling human again.  We’re getting back to some version of our routine so that I can incorporate JP’s school starting April 4th.  We have also started the doctor appt. process.  I made an appt. for our Pediatrician on the 7th for her to meet him, that’s it... just an introduction.   April 18th was the soonest we could get her into our great eye doctor, Dr. Afflect.  (AMAZING with special needs children!)  Milanija started refusing, vehemently, to put her glasses on.  Since unpacking everything and not finding them, I’m now wondering if she slipped them in the trash.  I couldn't find them anywhere.  But, I dug a little deeper in our backpack and found them. They were in bad shape so I tried to tighten the screws and one side broke off completely. UGH.   Anyway, we’ll get it resolved soon and with dang cute frames too!  

 

   Thank you all for being faithful friends and pray-ers.  We appreciate you so much!

 

   Love Meg

Ready, Set, Go! (in fast forward!)

Super fast update...

We got our COURT DATE!  MARCH 15th!  We leave in 19 days. AAAHHH!!!!

Our judge, I'm told, is "kind and efficient" Can't wait to meet her!  (Answered prayer right there!)

If you read our last post you may remember the possibility of the boys' mission trip overlapping with ours... It will. Completely.  The timing is like the tri-fecta of "Oh my-lanta!"

We'll leave Idaho Falls on March 6th... the boys leave on the 18th.  Jake comes home from Michigan on the 15th.  We get home on the 26th... the boys get home on the 26th   Dizzying, I know.  But God has gone before us and knew it would come together like this.  Trust.

Prayer requests:

Please pray this verse over our family:

•  2 Corinthians 10:5 "We destroy all arguments and every pretense that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take every thought captive and make it obedient to Christ."   That should cover everything.
• AND, For God's glory to show through His perfect orchestration of people and funds.

**Thank you, friends and family, for praying for us.  Your prayers are vital and coveted.**

The Home Stretch....

We are SO CLOSE!

Here's a quick run down on how this works:

Last week we got I800 Approval, YAY! (immigration), then Reda (our Lawyer/friend) took that over to the US Embassy in Lithuania where the powers that be review ALL of our paperwork and give us permission to proceed.  This is called an "Article 5" of the Hague Convention on Protection of Children.

That was issued TODAY!  Woo Hoo!

TOMORROW Reda will take the Art. 5 over to the courthouse in Vilnius where a judge will be assigned to us.  (Pray for a kind judge please! One that won't bust our chops for taking on another "burden")  Once the judge is assigned he or she will then schedule our court date... 

This will be the answer to the "When do you go get her?" question we, along with many of you, have been asking!!  This could happen as early as tomorrow or Wednesday!!  (Squealing with excitement like a 3 year old).  We have to be in Vilnius no later than 5 days before the court date. 

Prayer Requests:

• Our boys (Jadin and Emmett) are going on a short-term mission trip to Mexicali, Mexico scheduled March 18th for a week.  Our trips might overlap.  ...proof that God has a sense of humor. HA!  Pray for their experience, safety, logistics, & changed lives
• We are lending our 15 passenger van, Moby, for said mission trip. Pray for safety, peace, safety, logistics, safety...
• We're taking John-Patrik with us to Vilnius. Pray for his comfort, security, good rest, & health for all concerned.
• All of our flights to be on-time; free from harm or hazard. (And understanding flight attendants & passengers)
• Rich currently does not have enough paid vacation to cover the time needed. Pray for God's provision
• That Milanija will feel God's comfort as she waits.

THANK YOU, Friends!

God is faithful...

    Luke 2:19 "But Mary treasured up all of these things and pondered them in her heart."

    As Christmas was upon us these past couple of weeks this was the verse that kept resonating through my head regarding God's faithfulness.  What we got to experience on Dec.19th was too tender to share right away; I was treasuring it up in my heart.

    In our last post we were joyfully anticipating talking to Miss Milanija on the phone the day after her birthday. (Dec.12th)  But the in afternoon on the 11th we got an email from Reda saying that the phone call couldn't happen because Milanija had been in the hospital for a couple of days and wouldn't be out anytime soon. She had an aggressive UTI and ended up in the hospital for a week an a half and was off limits to visitors.  We were so disappointed and of course, worried about sweet Milanija's little body. Meanwhile, she still had not yet been told about her family.

   We had been matched since Dec.1st and it was upsetting to know she didn't know yet.  I understand that there was a special plan to tell her for her birthday, and that was very sweet, but that plan got upended.  I had been praying everyday for Jesus to tell her himself, to whisper in her ear that we're coming and we love her; that He loves her.

   When Silva came to the Babies Home (Orphanage) on the afternoon of Dec.19th Milanija was nearly asleep for her nap.  She had just come "home" from the hospital that day, finally.  As soon as Silva came in the room she opened her eyes and said, "You have a secret for me.".  Silva was taken aback and said, "Yes, I do have a secret for you!" and she proceeded to tell her about her family.  Milanija just smiled and went right back to sleep.  Jesus DID tell her!!! She knew!  His faithfulness is dumbfounding.  His loving-kindness and tender grace; unfailing.

    Later that day, in the evening, Reda went to see her and give her birthday gifts.  She told us there's a big photo on the wall in the corridor of the orphanage of us with John-Patrik (Milanija sees us everyday) so Reda took her to it.  "This is your Mama and Tete!  Patrikas is now your broils!"  They practiced saying the English words for a while and then surprised us with a phone call.  It was Saturday morning for us, 10am, (7pm for them) and we were all home... 

   I answered and immediately recognized Reda's voice and then it clicked... "Oh my gosh, REDA!!"  I put it on speaker and we all heard it, a shrimpy little girly voice, "Labas Mama!  Hello Daddy!" and then in Lithuanian, "Come to me!"  Tears happened. (Rich's mostly)   Words cannot describe what was going on in my heart. But I suddenly caught a glimpse of understanding into that verse I wrote above.  "But Mary treasured up all of these things and pondered them in her heart."  ...there's no better way to describe it.

  In addition to that, (as if there needed to be more!) we received 2 very generous donations to our adoption over the holidays!  One from an old dear friend I used to do children's ministry with at the church I grew up in and who happens to be Lithuanian!  (I had no idea!)  And the other, Rich's mom... Thanks Janet!  And thank you, Matthew! 

We are so humbled and thankful for you, God's blessings abound. 

   

Overflowing Joy!

We've had an exciting week and a half and I'm overflowing with Joy! 

Our auction closed raising $455 towards the adoption. We realized we put too many items in the auction... it's a learning curve.  $455 is nothing to shake a stick at though, it helps us get that much closer!

Then on December 1st we learned that we were FINALLY matched with Milanija!  This was the big push because not only does that mean nobody else can adopt her first, it also means that we can communicate directly with her.  We'll be Skyping, talking on the phone, we can send her gifts, pictures, clothes... whatever we want to send to our little girl. 

  A side note: December 1st is (was) my grandma's birthday, her name was Honey.  Honey was very special to me, as many of you know.   Here's the amazing connection, Milanija's name means Honey, as in Sweetheart.  Things like this touch my heart so deeply.  God is so tender.  Her name could've meant anything, but it didn't.  It means something so special to me personally.

This Friday is Milanija's birthday and guess what we get to do!?!  We get to TALK TO HER!!!  I've thought of little less since hearing this.  Our beloved lawyer and friend, Reda, is going to the orphanage for her birthday party and will be calling us with her.  She will have been told she has a family the day before by Silva, our other beloved friend and representative in Lithuania.  They waited a few days extra to tell her about us so that it could be done for her birthday.  They are thoughtful and incredible ladies!  (I would passionately recommend anyone to adopt from Lithuania!)

Our next step with the adoption is receiving a "Proposal" from the Lithuanian Central Authority for Milanija's adoption with all of her extensive social and medical history.... essentially asking, "With all that's wrong with her, are you sure you STILL want her?"  (Not in those words, of course)    We, of course and without delay, will accept said proposal.  Then comes the second portion of the I800 immigration forms.

I remember with JP our agent, Cathy, made a personal phone call to me making SURE that we were walking into this with our eyes wide open and not romanticizing the idea of adoption.  This is wise to do because it's easy to imagine all the wonderful things we'll be doing and showing these kiddos.  I think she (and maybe some of you) was concerned because Rich and I were being so positive, as we are with this adoption.  Here's the thing, we FULLY understand what a huge and heavy choice we've made... if we don't start out being so positive and confident in God's path for us we would surely crash and burn 2 months into it.  Especially having a year under our belt, I'm here to tell you that there are some very hard days, some mildly hard days, and then there are those days when I've entertained the idea of a glass of wine at 10am. (not really.)  BUT with those days come amazing days!  Breakthroughs in development, realizations of progress, and blessed connection.  There is balance and more so even leaning towards goodness.

For anyone who questions our sanity... Never once have we ever second guessed our choice. Not even on the hardest days.  This isn't like the possibility of buyer's remorse or regretting a bad couch.  These are people.  Small, innocent, vulnerable people.  Please do not mistake our JOY for naiveté. We do not take this lightly.  Be joyful and faithful with us!